The one thing I don't miss

I can deal with being thrown out of low-flying airplanes with my hands shackled.

I can kill someone five times before they hit the ground.

I know how to ask "Where is the ammunition store?" in thirteen different languages.

I can even feign interest when McGee goes on about his cows and their evening toilets.

But the one thing I could never do was come up with a decent pun.

And as a highly respected rescuer it was a constant source of embarrassment for me. After every mission, as we were heading back, someone always made a lame joke, preferably a pun. It was how we'd unwind. And as I was often leading these missions, I was looked upon to provide said pun. I'm ashamed to admit I reused several. Sometimes I hid in the bathroom when pun time started. Once I even feigned a seizure.

My worst one had to be the one about the nuclear winter... I'd rather not get into it.

Finding the Enemy

When I was recruited for my One Final Mission, it was for a rescue mission in Venezuela. The country where the rescuee was being held captive was the only information I was given. Now, you know Venezuela is not a small country. At 916445 square kilometers and a population density of 27 persons per square kilometer, it's just over twice the size of the Yukon.

So how did I locate the enemy? I had them come to me.

It's well known in the secret agent world that if you parachute down anywhere, you will be attacked by a hoard of the enemy immediately after landing. The trick is to leave one minion conscious so that you can question him or her about the whereabouts of the rescuee. Be sure to deal with them appropriately once they've cooperated.

When chartering a small plane to jump out of is too much hassle, I like to use a powered parachute.

And although not necessary, bringing a weapon along can prove useful when defending yourself against a barrage of baddies. The important thing is to not become overly dependent upon them.